top of page

Ask for what you want….Its time to negotiate

This month we are talking about negotiating.  I believe in this month of September we will have favorable negotiations.  Some of you may feel like myself, I am not a strong negotiator!  My perception for negotiating has been it must be competitive or combative.  However, that is not true. You also have cooperative negotiation which is more talk through.

I hope during this series you will learn something valuable about negotiating and be comfortable with the type of negotiator you are.  Its time to challenge ourselves and not be afraid to ask for what you want. Enjoy the blog below by Attorney Victoria Pynchon.

Many of us often shy away from asking for more and better. More money. Better working arrangements. A larger team. Better access to material resources. Higher fees. Better prices.

Some of us are afraid to ask. Some of us do ask, but stop short of asking for what we really want or what we’re truly worth.

But whatever your reason, I probably don’t have to tell you that, by not asking, you’re missing out on more than just money; you’re putting your long-term opportunities and earning potential at stake.

If you’ve ever stopped before negotiating your true market value, read on for five things most people don’t know about negotiation that will change the way you think about asking—and give you a strong leg up when you do.

1. The Negotiation Doesn’t Start Until Someone Says “No”

One of the greatest inhibitions my clients have is risking rejection. This is particularly true in the post-’08 meltdown and continuing jobless recovery from the worst economic calamity since the Great Depression.

Our reluctance to negotiate past “no” is even harder because both men and women miss the key point: It’s not really a negotiation if we’re asking for something we know our bargaining partner also wants. Negotiation is a conversation whose goal is to reach an agreement with someone whose interests are not perfectly aligned with yours.

And let’s be honest, who has relationships with people who always want what we want? No one! So if we want to get what we’re entitled to get or capable of getting, we either have to negotiate past “no” or spend the rest of our work lives being victimized by people who are happy to place themselves and their needs ahead of ours.

“No” signals an opportunity to problem-solve the conflicting and overlapping interests both parties want to serve. Invite your bargaining partner to your side of the table to figure out how both of you can get as much as each of you wants as possible.

2. Your Bargaining Partner Will Be Happier if You Make Several Concessions Than if They Get What They Think They Want

This is true in the same way that “the earth is round” or “the universe is expanding” are true. In experiment after experiment, social scientists have proven that people are not particularly happy when they get what they think they want. They’re happier when their bargaining partner says “no” a couple of times before they say “yes.”

Why? Because negotiators are more afraid of leaving money on the table than they are about getting what they think they want. If I ask for a 5% raise and my boss says “yes” without hesitation, I generally suffer from buyer’s remorse, certain that if I’d asked for 7% or maybe even 10%, my bargaining partner would have given it to me.

This is just one of the many reasons why it’s important to ask for more than you actually want. The other reason to do so is the proven influence of the first number put on the table. Negotiators call that number an “anchor” because it sets one end of the bargaining range and moves your negotiation counterpart in its direction throughout the course of the bargaining session.

If you’ve adequately researched your negotiation partner’s interests and your own market value, you needn’t fear making the first offer, hoping that his or her first offer will be far more than you’re expecting. Waiting for the “other guy” to make the first offer is the mark of a negotiation amateur.

Stay Tuned next week for Part 2 as we lean more about negotiating! You don’t want to miss it!  

Live Life On The Promise Of Impact! Carenda Deonne


Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page